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Writer's Block: Sins of c/ommission

Which do you tend to regret more: things you wish you hadn't said or done or things you wish you had?

Things I didn't. Hands down.
I am going on record saying I'm cool with Josh hanging out with Livia. I've hung out with dudes I've previously 'dated' or 'whatever' and we never ended up having sex or anything.

Seriously.
Whoops. Accidentaly flagged a 6 year old entry in a comm I just joined.

7 days til Flordia!

An open letter to CAD

Dear Tim Buckley,

Alright, listen. I am a fan of your comic. I like Ethan and Lilah and Lucas and that chick Lucas is banging. But, I like it even more when they talk about video games. Do you remember when you used to do that? Do you remember Players 1, 2, 3 and 4? Or the crazy chef? Or when Ethan and Lucas got into all sort of crazy hijinks?

Look. I'm not saying it isn't awesome that your characters have real lives that include working and whatever, or that they're ~growing. It was awesome when Ethan proposed and Lilah was pregnant and everything. I was super amped for a little gamerbb. But then she had a miscarriage, and Lucas broke up with...Kate?, and Lilah moved out and Lucas punched Zeke and Lilah's ex made a move on her and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH fucking BLAH. Oh my gooooood. Okay, I don't know if you were on your period or something, but pretty much you went from Happy Harry to Debbie Downer in like ten seconds. And not even in small, measured doses. Everyone's lives turned into a huge clusterfuck all at once. I dreaded checking your site, because I hoped something good would happen, but ultimately each comic made me want to curl up in an oven and take a nap.

BUT, it got better. Lilah got rid of the ex. And she and Ethan eloped in... whatever island you sent them to. Which seemed very "end-of-a-romantic-comedy" to me. And then Ethan got a fucking business handed to him. Apparently you don't know what real life is, or you just don't give a shit. When someone's life is a shitfest, they SHOULD get all the luck in the world. But they don't. They don't get crap tossed in thier lap for slacking off. And, it's kind of unfair to everyone ever if his life goes from 'millions of dollars in casino debt and about to get his hands broken' to 'hit the jackpot and is about to bone a three thousand dollar a night escort'.

Lucas had the right idea. I'd be pissed as hell, too, if my crazy ass friend was a nut job 99% of the time and managed to fuck a genie and get everything handed to them. But then you had to go and make Lucas seem like a jerkoff for not wanting to work for Lucky Charms. The reason Ethan was shitting himself is because no one SHOULD go from working as a cashier at a thriving business to owning the store overnight. It's bullshit. The very notion is rediculous. And it's pretty much a slap in the face for every person who's ever built a business from the ground up.

But now, it's all sorted out. Ethan will stop being a tard, Lucas will stop being a pussy, and there will be a real marriage. Please. Dear god, please. No more real life bullshit. That's the very reason people read comics. To take a break from the real world. And make it funny again, if you don't mind. Raised eyebrows does not a joke make.

Love,
Summer

PS: Maybe you could take a break from your constant stream of useless twitters and clean up your site? I'd rather be able to load your site in under ten fucking minutes than read about you install your bloody hardwood floors. You know what would have made the installation a lot easier and faster? Not updating your twitter an hour after you told us you were about to install it to tell us what kind of wood it was. No one gives a shit.

May. 4th, 2009

Way to have topicmore membership open for only like 20 goddamn minutes. At midnight. >:|

rename

Poll #1328189 LJ Rename

What should I rename my lj to?

mice moonbeams
1(5.6%)
you may lie
1(5.6%)
you fall you fly
3(16.7%)
zz9er
0(0.0%)
hompotamus
4(22.2%)
canonicals
2(11.1%)
fucklightning
7(38.9%)
gromwell
0(0.0%)



 mice_moonbeams: "As different as mice and moonbeams." - Dean Koontz

you_may_lie
: "What if others adults had, upon becoming Twelves, received in their instructions the same terrifying sentence? What if they had all been instructed: You may lie?" - The Giver

youfall_youfly
: "Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly." - Neil Gaiman

zz9er
: In the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Earth is located in Galactic Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha. Human = ZZ9er.

homopotamus
:


canonicals
: "The motley worn by Jesters of the Court of Heaven." - The Devil's Dictionary

fucklightning
: A sandwich of my own invention, loosely based on the screwthunder, which was created by one Mr. Patrick Stump. To make a fucklightning, spread Nutella on two slices of white bread. Take a handful of Cool Ranch Doritos (NOT Nacho Cheese) and places them between the slices of bread. Enjoy.

gromwell
: In the movie 'The Baxter', when Elliot meets Cecil for the first time, he discovers that the book they're both reading is the dictionary. She tells him that her favorite word so far is gromwell, a plant with small nuts and yellow flowers. At the end, when he realizes she's perfect for him and runs to keep her from moving, Elliot buys Cecil a gromwell. AWWW.


Ok, so I probably will think of new names, lol, because renaming lj is srs bidnss.  But vote. NOW. And if you think of any other super amazing names, leave them for me via comment.
SHIT WHICH ONE OF YOU MADE A FUCKLIGHTNING LJ? I CAN'T REMEMBER!

Completely Unfair

Whenever I sign onto AIM, and I get that obnoxious pop up window, I always scan through the top stories because sometimes they have something semi-interesting. Not usually, since 99% of the time it’s celebrity gossip bullshit. But, on occasion, they have interesting video game articles.

Today, one of the head lines was "Top 10 games for girl gamers". Hey, I’m a girl! And I like video games! This is just for me. So I click on the link, thinking maybe I’ll see something for when I finally get an Xbox this Christmas. And this is the list, from number 1 to 10.

 

Top Ten ListCollapse )

 

So basically, this made me angry the entire fucking day. I’m probably going to be pissed all this weekend, too. Girls get such shitty games made "for" us. How about you make a fucking game with a chick in it? Lara Croft doesn’t count. Left 4 Dead doesn’t count. Give us a break, or we’ll end up finding the brains behind these games, and shove them up their asses until their insides rupture and they die.

lawlz moovey reevyu

t So last night I watch "cyber seduction" with Jeremy Sumpter on The Lifetime Channel. Yeah, I know. It's quite possibly the most ridiculous movie I've seen. The way it starts off... just seems like normal teenage boy stuff. But they have him in his room (filled with trophies and medals obv) after some senior told him about sites or whatever, downing energy drinks. But the thing is... it's not even really porn. It's like fucking myspace pictures. It's just girls in their underwear. Apparently that's when it all began. (dun dun duuun)

Apparently he's a swimmer, and he starts staring at the girls teams and the female life guard (GASP) . Yeah... I don't know any teenagers who look at hot girls in bathing suits. He DOES have an addiction. At one point he's walking down the hallway with his girlfriend and staring at girls, and then he flashes back and forth between the internet and real life. And I think this is when he starts "spiraling down."

It was around this time I could only watch about one minute at a time because it was so ridiculous that I couldn't take it. One night, I guess, his mom sees him looking at a site where all the girls have huge boobs, and is all "OMG MY SON IS A PERVERT". And forces her husband to deal with it. But Jeremy assures everyone that he doesn't have a problem. Except HE DOES!

So other stuff happens, and then one of the seniors on his team makes fun of him for being a 16 year old virgin (as well he should, since I've been having sex since the NORMAL age of 11) and tells him to hook with some chick he sees. But I guess he... rents her out? Or something. Anyway, she's pretty much a whore. So he starts talking to her. Except he has a girlfriend (OH NOES) and he's messaging a senior girl (HOLY CRAP). 

At this point, his mother is frantic with worry and fear, so she takes the computer out of his room and puts a lock on it. Yes, the kid is watching porn until the wee hours of the morning, so let's cut him off completely. There won't be any back lashes. It works all the time with crack addicts and alcoholics. So instead he starts going to the SEEDIEST convienence store I've ever seen to look at (again not even real porn) girls with big boobs and are semi-naked. And now he's even neglecting his girlfriend (how unlike a teenager). And he's still talking to that whorey girl and tells her he wants to get "togather". Yes... ::sigh::... togather. They meet up at some diner and SHE PUTS HIS HAND ON HER BOOB!!!1! SCANDAL! But luckily he gets his act together and sees his girl to try to make up.

So they do math homework. (SEXY) And she tells him about the whorey girls site where she has revealing pictures. Which he quickly declines ever seeing. With suberb acting, I should add. They start making out, he starts going to fast. (again, obviously only porn addicts try to have sex with girlfriends). And everyone freaks out.

His mom finds out he's STILL looking at porn and corners him in like... a Wal*Mart and is all "YOU HAVE A PORNOGRAPHY PROBLEM!" and he's like "NO WAI". And his little brother is there, and he's seeing how PORN IS TEARING THIS FAMILY APART! So what does the mother do? Over reacts. Of course.

Apparently, her friend's husband had a problem with porn as well. I guess he'd rather jerk off to lesbians then have sex with his wife. No, your husband doesn't have a porn addiction, you just need to get a divorce because the magic is gone. Sorry babe.

So now Jeremey has no where else to turn, because his mother has completely shut off all internet access. He's running out of energy drinks. He's seeing naked ladies everywhere. So as a last resort, he goes to the school library.

And of course, he's a total hax0r, and bypasses the school firewall to look at more porn. And, as he is, his mother is putting his clothes away, and what does she find under his socks? A DVD marked "Virgin Vaginas." AHDFKDSA VIRGIN VAGINAS?? OH JEREMEY. You have to be crafty renaming your porn! Make it something stupid like "Ghost in the Shell Eps 1-4". No one cares about that. And put it between your mattress and your box spring. Come on. Use your head. 

AND AGAIN AT THAT EXACT MOMENT. His girlfriend is looking at her PDA and discovers HE'S BEEN LOOKING AT BOOBS ON THAT TOO! There are a few zoom ins to the SCREEN. Then her FACE. Then close up of SCREEN. Then FACE. And high pitched violins are shreeking in the back. It was intense.

Of course he get's caught. And his parents are pushing him out of the school all "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING AT??" And he's screaming "IT WAS PORNOGRAPHY, OKAY? I WAS WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY!!" Also, what 16 year old says "pornography"? None of them. 

His girl friend shows at his swim practice all "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? ARE YOU SEEING WHAT I'M SEEING?" and shoving the PDA in his face. Her clothes are wrinkled and her hair is a mess, and there are rings under her eyes, like she was up all night, just driving around. As if she found a video of him fucking some girl on her bed or something. So now... shit just got real.

Jeremey promises his parents that he can stop looking at porn when ever he wants. Starting now. But, of course he can't. He sneaks out of bed, steals his mom's credit card and start buying a SHITLOAD of porn. And FINALLY, is actually people having sex. And I think he's naked in the family room sitting at the computer? I couldn't really tell.

At some later point, I think like two days, he decides he can't take it anymore. He's going to have sex with that slutty chick.

(by the way, I don't think he's been wanking at all this whole time. Just looking at sites. So he's kinda like a person who is addicted to hanging at bars, but doesn't drink)

So he goes to the whore's house and they start totes getting hot and heavy (hell yes jailbait) and he can't do it. Apparently it wasn't magical enough for him... having sex in what appeared to be her grandparents room. I can't imagine what his problem was. And she freaks out, because she's never been rejected before, and chases him out of the house. So what's the next logical step she takes? SHE BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF HER FACE. But... she slams her face on the bathroom counter once, and she gets a cut abover her eye, two black eyes (INSTANTLY) and a busted lip. That's a pretty good shot for one hit. 

He runs home, just as the bank is calling his mom about the recent activity on her credit card. And somehow... when she clicks something on the computer, dozens of porn windows start opening. And she's all "THEY KEEP COMING. I CAN'T STOP THEM". And everything goes to hell. His parents start screaming at him, and Jeremey is trying to say it was only a few sites. And his father gets angry and grabs him and Jeremey is yelling "DO YOU WANT TO HIT ME DAD? COME ONE, HIT ME!" So fucking intense. And again, the little brother shows up at this exact moment so witness more porn related family breakdowns. 

So Jeremey finally accepts he has a problem. And that he needs professional help. He asks his mom if he can go to his girlfriend's to apologize and she drives him to her house. They have a bonding moment in the van and she just fucking leaves him. Uh oh.

He and his girl talk on the porch about how he's going to get help, and that she glad that he's getting help. And they can still talk. And, I swear to God, this is part of their conversation:

Jeremey: I was thinking I could go to church with you.
Chick: Wow, that's pretty radical.
Jeremey: Yeah, well... I need to start getting radical.

daslfjha WHAT?? Yes, thank you Jesus. Please rid this teen of all his hormonal lust and heavy addiction. Any way, they talk for about five whole minutes. And then he decided to walk the darks streets alone all the way back to his house.

Of course, one of the friends of the senior who is dating the chick that beat the shit out of herself sees him. So he pick the dude up and together they kidnap Jeremey, and go on to BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM AND LEAVE HIM IN AN ALLEY. WHAT???

Whatever. So he proceeds to stumble away and goes to his school? Which makes sense. He could have a concussion, bruised or broken ribs, and/or internal bleeding. So school is the best bet. And, of course, it's unlocked. In the city. In the middle of the night. 

He goes to the pool and falls in. And immediately I think "Oh God, is he killing himself because of porn?" And his whole porn life is flashing before his eyes. And he wakes up or whatever, and while he has massive injuries all over his body, he starts swimming in all of his clothes and he's cured! HURRAY!

ily lifetime.
So the justification to buy the jean jacket was "I look too fucking cute". And it was 50% off. So score. Except it's too cold to wear at the moment. So I'm just going to wear it while hanging around the house.

So at my little sister's school, they have a new class this year where you can learn how to play the guitar. Which I guess is pretty cool, cuz it's better than paying for lessons. So we gave Laurel a 3/4 size acoustic, because she's pretty tiny and her playing a full size would be ridiculous. Now, the company we get the cheaper guitars from have guitar heads that look like this:

which is technically called a "classical head". And on a classical guitar, you use nylon strings. But really, you only have to on an actual classical guitar. Our guitars just happen to have this type of head, but you can still use steel strings. It's not a big deal. 

So she brings in the guitar for class and the teacher tells her that she has the wrong kind of guitar. And her teacher turns out to be Mrs. Rogers, KHS's self-proclaimed musical messiah. She and I butted heads a bit. Mostly because I talked my way out of wearing the shitty girl concert outfit by convincing Mr. Chernick that since I was in a section of all guys I should wear black pants, a white button up shirt and a tie so that we all looked unifrom. That and she's pretty much a bitch. 

Anyway, she tells Laurel she can't put steel strings on her guitar because it's a classical guitar and the string will irreversably and heinously warp the neck, fuck up the frets, and rip the bridge off the body. Laurel infroms her that no, it's a regular guitar, I said it was ok. And Roger's tells her that I "played drums, not guitar, so I don't know what I'm talking about."

Um... excuse me? I don't know what I'm talking about?? Yes, my family has only owned a music business for the last 80 YEARS. And my mother, grandmother, and father have all played guitar. And I've been working here for the past four years. Yes, I just make shit up to everyone and hope they don't know more than I do. Why would I give my sister the wrong guitar? For shits and giggles? What the hell. 

No one even realized you played the goddamn guitar. And I'm sure the next Muddy Waters. I humbly apologize.